March 19th, 2024

 March 19th, 2024

I came downstairs after showering and Buster was in the kitchen making himself a bagel, fresh spread cream cheese pushed perfectly and precisely to the very edge of the bagel, smothered with homemade jam.  He looked up and smiled at me. I said “Hey buddy, good morning” and walked over to give him a big hug from behind.  He said he already had gotten his practice and scripture reading done and asked if he could have a playdate after school that day. I said yes and told him how awesome he was, and that he was an inspiration to me for just getting up and getting to work.  I went and got the girls up and brought them downstairs. After everyone had their breakfast I did COME FOLLOW ME with the kids.  Come follow me was based on 2 Nephi 31- the doctrine of Christ.  I drew a stairway leading up to heaven on the kitchen table and asked the kids to read some verses and tell me what steps are outlined that will lead us to heaven and salvation.  Buster said “Baptism”, “Receive the priesthood”, “faith”, “repentance”, “Temple Endowments”, etc.. As we talked about the steps to gain eternal salvation, I drew Buster on the step nearest heaven just for fun.  It was a great discussion. It was a good morning.  A few minutes later we were in the car on our way to pick up Nolan and Charlotte.  I left Ruby home with Nora.  I got to school just a little bit early, I stood there with Buster surprised we had a little extra time. Buster said ‘we are early Mom, what should I do?’ We kind of stood there a few minutes and for a moment it really felt like no one else was in the world, just me and Buster. I had a funny feeling come over me, kind of a sad feeling, but I couldn’t name it.  I said, “I guess you could just go to class”. He said, “Ok bye Mom” I said “By Buster, have a good day, see you in a few hours”, and he walked away from me, for the last time I would ever see him.    

I normally picked up Buster on Tuesdays right at 12:30, with Ruby in tow, and headed up to his violin lessons in Seattle, but on this day, his lessons were canceled due to the Seattle Young Artist Festival.  At exactly 9:09 that morning I sent a text to Andrea that would change my life forever. I said “Hey can Buster get a ride home from the Home program today? He does not have violin lessons”. She said “Yep no problem”.  

At approximately 12:50, on my way to buy dish detergent at the store, I was trying to turn left out of my neighborhood onto 140th when I saw a car speed around traffic into the turning lane and accelerate at a rapid pace heading south on 140th.  I looked to the right as long as I could to watch him drive, shaking my head and saw what looked like smoke go up in the air in the far distance. I couldn’t hear anything, but thought to myself “I bet he just killed someone”.  I had an earnest feeling to pray, but the words never quite formed in my head.  As I finally turned left and headed to the store, I felt as though perhaps I should turn around, but I kept going. I got my detergent, and had the feeling not to get anything else, but to get in my car and go home.  I called Jaron on my way to my car at exactly 1:05PM. I told him that I saw this driver that was going really fast, and that I was upset by it. I told him he was going so fast he might have killed someone. Then we talked for a minute about something else.  I then started my car and the song ‘After Hours’ by the Velvet Underground started to play. This was a song Buster used to play on his ukulele.  It made me smile to think of Buster.  I didn’t really acknowledge the pit I had in my stomach until I realized it was the sirens I was hearing. I knew those sirens must be a result of the speeder I saw.  Instead of taking the shortcut home at 186th into my neighborhood I drove towards what looked to be three fire trucks and another type of utility truck.  As I pulled up to the intersection of 192nd and 140th a sheriff pulled up. I didn’t want to be in the way, and be an onlooker so I simply drove a normal speed to the stop light. When I approached the stop light I could see a tannish-grey car that didn’t look like a car anymore, the top, bottom, and sides were crushed in so badly that I couldn’t tell which way was up, and which way was down.  I felt sick to my stomach. Right then someone threw down a gurney outside the smashed vehicle, and something inside me said “Look away now!”. I made my turn and drove towards home with a fervent prayer in my heart for whoever was in that vehicle.  I felt sick inside. I got home, and walked inside. I was upset.  Warner was standing in the kitchen and I told him what I just saw, and how I had seen the speeder earlier.  I was somber and sad. Then I said “Warner, where’s Buster”? He said “I don’t know”, I said “Wait, he didn’t get dropped off yet”?  It was almost 1:20, that meant Andrea was about 40 minutes late dropping Buster off.  That was unlike her. At this moment, I remembered the gold car. Oh no, I thought, God please no.  Without even realize it I was saying that prayer over and over out loud quietly “God please no. God please no”.  I picked up my phone and called Andrea at 1:20 . No answer. Then I called Abe.  I asked Abe if he had heard from Andrea. He said no. I said she was supposed to drop the kids off a while ago and was late and I couldn’t get a hold of her. He said she was probably just running errands.  I asked if he could hear the sirens, and told him there was an accident on 192nd, and 140th and I was worried she might be involved. He said “I’ve gotten myself worked up before when she doesn’t answer her phone and it’s always that she’s just run an errand or something and never answers her phone”. I told him just to look at where she was on “Find my friends” and then call me back.  He never called me back.  At 1:28 I called Rivka. She answered the phone with a strain in her voice. She didn’t even say hello, she just said  “Talk to me Jess”.  It sounded like she already knew something, so I asked her what she knew. She said she couldn’t get a hold of Andrea. I said “Me either”.  I told her “there’s been an accident, and I think Andrea might have been involved”. She said “K I’m hopping on my bike right now” I said “Me too” and we hung up.  At 1:29 I called Jaron and said “Jaron I think Andrea might be involved in that accident, I’m hoping on my bike to go see. You  might want to come home.  Then I cried and said "I sure hope it’s not her car I saw, because it didn’t look like a car anymore”.  I then hoped on my bike and headed as fast as my legs would take me toward the crash site.  

Unbeknownst to me, in the background Ruby and Warner were observing my actions and listening to my phone calls.  Ruby felt scared and worried, and then I left her and the kids without saying more than a few words “I’ll be back”. 

When I arrived at 140th, just north of the crash site, things had been blocked off.  A sheriff approached me as I got to the red tape.  “You need to turn around ma'am”.  My voice was shaking as I said “I have reason to believe my son was involved in this crash”.  He said “Oh, ok wait right here”.  He went and got on his phone, meanwhile I heard another sheriff say “Hey young man you need to turn around, you can’t bike over here. I looked in the direction he was talking and saw Warner behind me panting, and hopping off his bike walking toward me.  I said “Warner you can’t be here buddy, you need to go home”.  Warner looked at me and said boldly “I’m not going anywhere Mom”.  The sheriff’s eyes seemed to soften and he said “Is he with you?” I said “Yes”. I wouldn’t realize for hours and maybe even months, what it meant that Warner was there with me that day. 

At 1:38 I tried to call Liv, but she was not answering. I told Warner to go home really quick and wake her up.  He was so quick I didn’t hardly notice he left and came back.  

At 1:44 I called Jaron- not sure yet what I said

At 1:46 I called Rivka. She said “Jess” I could tell she was crying. “Andrea was in an accident, and there is only one survivor and it’s a boy. There is a sheriff who is going to come get you and bring you to Abe and I”.  I didn’t even know what to say. I was in shock.  The boy must be Buster I thought. I just need to get to him right away.  

At 1:47 I called Jaron and relayed what Rivka said to me, and told him that one boy was going to Harborview, and that he should head there. I had to hang up quickly, because by that time the sheriff was there to pick me and Warner up and drive us south west toward where we could see Abe and Rivka, heads bowed down, in a solemn embrace.  Warner and I left our bikes on the side of the road, and Warner sat on my lap, because the sheriff’s car was a truck and he didn’t have a back row.   

I jumped out, and ran to my friends and joined in their hug.  It was solemn. It was sacred ground. It was devastating and unifying all in the same moment.  Never have I felt so much shock in all my life.  

Rivka didn’t even know that Buster was in the car, because as I said before he usually wasn’t in the car on Tuesdays.  She had no idea that when she told me there was one survivor on his way to Harborview, and it was a boy, that I might have a chance to believe it was Buster. What she did know was that Andrea, our dear sweet friend, Charlotte, Tilly, and Eloise were gone.  

A chaplain came over and was hugging and talking to Rivka.  She didn’t know who I was.  Another woman came over to Abe and said “Are both of you parents of a boy that was in the car”? We both nodded.  She then offered to take us both to Harborview.  Abe didn't like that plan, because Jude was in the car, and he had no idea what was going on.  He wanted them to identify the boy before we both went on a wild goose chase to find out who the surviving boy was.  It seemed simple to us, one boy has long, light colored hair, and the other has short, dark brown hair. Abe asked them one more time to try to get us an identity on the boy on his way to Harborview.  After what seemed like an eternity, a woman walked over and looked at me and said “Did your son have long hair on top, and short on the bottom, and was wearing a friendship bracelet”.  The way she was saying it made me think she had identified the boy on his way to Harborview hospital.  She sounded hopeful.  “I said, yes”. Then she said “Yeah, he didn’t make it, he was one of the bodies they found in the car”.   My mind started reeling. I couldn’t really quite register what she was saying, because I was so focused Nolan, the one survivor, and the importance of Abe getting to his son. I was also thinking of Abe, the new single dad, and Jude who now had no Mom.  I couldn’t process Buster yet.    

At 1:59 I called Jaron and talked to him for exactly 1 minute, just long enough to tell him that the surviving boy on his way to Harborview was not our son.  The phone call didn’t last long, because I had to help Abe get Jude home so he could get to the hospital.  

At 2:11 I called my Mom for 1 minute, just long enough to say “Mom there has been an accident, Buster was in a car that was hit, and he didn’t make it”.  She screamed and said “No! No!”.  I said I had to go and I would call her later.  

At 2:20 I called Olivia for 1 minute to tell her that her brother was gone. Then I hopped in the car with Abe, and we drove in silence until we got to his house where I went inside with a whimpering Jude, and a swollen eyed Warner.  Warner sat down and was weeping. Jude stood in the kitchen, listlessly crying. I didn’t know what to do. I asked Jude if he wanted a hug. He said “No”.  I sat on the couch. We said a prayer, and prayed for Nolan.  At 2:29 I got a phone call from Jaron that he was on his way home.  I heard a knock at the door. It was Robyn. She came in and said “What’s going on”. I took her back to the bedroom and told her that there was an accident and that Andrea, Buster, Tilly, Charlotte, and Eloise were gone.  She fell to the bed in tears and I just held her.  We held each other.  I said I’m so sorry, over and over and over again.  After that, we cried for a while. I said I better get home to my kids. I realized now that I had no car, so I tried calling Jaron to come pick me up, not sure where he was.  Warner and I just walked home. It was a trail of tears and silent sobs.  I could hardly see to walk through all the tears.  I walked in through our back gate. As I approached my back porch, I could see Liv on the floor with her arms wrapped around Ruby, with Nora on the couch.  I walked in and hugged the girls as hard as I possibly could. Xander was there. He joined in the hug. We sobbed, and hugged, and sobbed some more. I knelt on the carpet and we all wept. Ruby asked what happened to Buster. I shared very calmly, and slowly, that Andrea was driving Charlotte, Nolan, Tilly, Eloise, and Buster home from the HOME program when a car T-boned her. I told her that Tilly, Eloise, Andrea, Buster, and Charlotte were gone. Liv had told her about Buster, but she didn’t know about Charlotte, and cried out “What! Charlotte is dead too?!!” and melted into my lap in heaving sobs. I don’t know at which point I found out, because the details after the crash are much less clear than the crystal clear ones from before the crash.  It’s like I was living in the matrix and everything that was in slow motion was now sped up, and that it has remained that way for this month since the crash.  

While I was comforting my children, waiting for Jaron to get home, Abe was at the hospital waiting to find out if Nolan survived, and the Wilcoxon's were anxiously awaiting the news of the identity of another girl who was brought to the hospital from the crash. It was quite the roller coaster for them, because they thought it might be one of their girls. 

After he had been at the hospital a little while, Abe was asked to come and identify a girl who they believed was also from our same crash.  He was not sure what he was about to see, but nothing could have prepared him for the joy and shock he felt when he walked in and saw Charlotte there, alive on the hospital bed.  

The next few hours were full of people, first Jaron came home. We all embraced for a moment, and then he left to go to the site. He needed to see for himself.  He was gone quite some time.  Then Quinae came over, and Xander. . . then a blur of people Jannah, Scott and Annette, Suzie.  Then all our Soos creek favorite people.  The room was filled with men who had once been our bishops, or who were newly called bishops, and those sweet bishops, along with Uncle Scoot all stood in a circle and blessed me, my husband, and my children one by one. It was bitter and beautiful all at the same time.  

That evening Jaron headed up to the hospital to be with Abe. He took Chace and Brad Singley with him.  Abe later would say that the love he felt that day in the hospital was greater than any love he had felt before.  

The steady flow of generosity, love, support, and service our family, the Wilcoxon's, and the Hudson's received after the crash was truly remarkable. I’m not sure who started it, but slowly the crash site became a sea of gifts, teddy bears, flowers, mementos, posters, pictures.  

The night after the crash, the Wilcoxon's and us went up to visit Nolan, Charlotte, and Abe in the hospital.  How those two beautiful souls survived the impact of a car hitting them dead on at 112 mile per hour I will never know, but I know one thing, they are both miracles.  

Community Events:

Candle Light Vigil

Rugby Event in Seattle where there was a moment of silence

Butterfly Walk

*Press Conference